11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
