evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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