Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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