I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
And then he peed in my hair
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