If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
