Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
