I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
