just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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