all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
