It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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