those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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