you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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