dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize