Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
