He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
