Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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