You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
