I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
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