Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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