I could make wine with my vomit
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
