I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
