i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
that's an acceptable place to lick
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
