Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
