She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He better not be in your backpack
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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