your parents love me but you hate me
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
