In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
