OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
