totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
