so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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