I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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