I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Randomize
