I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
