if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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