ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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