i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
