No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
