Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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