i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I got her a Nickelback box set.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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