i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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