my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
