foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
