i don't plan on having that self control this summer
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
