pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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