Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I think people are normalizing furries
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize