I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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