Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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