i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
