at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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