You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
