You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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