sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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