i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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