I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
