Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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