Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
