I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
