i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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