he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize