i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Randomize
