I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
