What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Randomize