So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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