Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
