I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
