Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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