ugly people sure do ruin things
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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