kristin has been a bad kristin
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
