Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
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