dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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