I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
