I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
