Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
