yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
