my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Randomize
