dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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